The Best Parts of Me
by LovelyFarron
Summary: "Really if only they could see me now! Watching clocks, counting down the days! How they'd all laugh at me and tell me that I'm being foolish, that I can't possibly be out of time!" The Doctor's last days are approaching fast but he can't go until he puts the ghosts of his past to rest. Tenth/Rose and other pairings.


TV Show: Doctor Who

Pairing(s): The Doctor/Rose, The Doctor/Martha, The Doctor/Donna, The Doctor/Amy

Genre: Romance, Angst

Rating: T

A/N: I would just like to be clear that while romance is hinted at, I do not really pair the Doctor with anyone other than the TARDIS (have you seen how he fawns over that blue box? xD). That being said, I would try as hard as possible to portray his relationships with his Companions as accurately as I can which means that there will be some romantic feelings for Rose.

Also…see if you can find the Farscape reference!

The Best Parts of Me

_~The Doctor~_

Companions. They always left him. Many had promised him that they'd be by his side forever, that they'd live out the rest of their lives at his side. Many had come and gone through his beloved TARDIS's doors, many had walked inside with childlike wonder and open eyes, marveling at how it was "bigger on the inside than the outside." Many had saved the world, the galaxy, the universe, the whole of reality. Many had done so many brilliant things in their short, human lives; many had lived, breathed, smiled, laughed, cried, and loved. And many had died. And every single one of them had left him.

"Whoa! I'll tell you what, that was some gig! Just…wow!" the Doctor whooped, doing a little dance into his TARDIS, the doors shutting behind him. "You don't get to party like that every century! There is only one Elvis and one Elvis alone! I'm just a hunk of burning Doctor!" Spinning one more time, he did some sort of strange disco move that he had just learned and flashed a toothy grin. "Not bad for a farewell tour, wouldn't you say…umm…." His voice trailed off as he looked around his empty TARDIS. His words echoed throughout the living machine and came back to him, small and quiet and alone. The small aching feeling in his hearts began to twist painfully in his chest as it always did when he left some crazy scene and came back to his beloved, empty ship and was reminded that he was alone. His throat clenched in that weird uncomfortable way it always did when he was sad.

"Oh…right…Ponds….the Ponds are gone. My little Amelia. All grown up and living her life…protected by the Last Centurion…" he mumbled to himself, looking around and swallowing the lump in his throat. "Right." His voice slowly quieted, until it was nothing but a whisper that, had someone been present with him, would have to strain to hear. The gentle hum and purr of the TARDIS was all that could be heard as he looked around the cold metal room that had once contained so much joy and laughter and warmth and life. He licked his lips and opened his mouth to say something cheeky to cheer himself up and remind him that he was "always fine" but could not find the words needed to fill the silent void.

He stood there, halfway to the TARDIS's main console looking nearly beside himself with despair at his lonely situation. His handsome face was screwed up in pain and his eyes were misting up. His head moved around in slow motions, observing every part of his larger on the inside ship, whishing not for the first time that it was smaller on the inside. His mouth was hanging slightly open as if he expected some words of wisdom to come spewing forth at any moment and make light of his situation.

After a few seconds common sense kicked in and he shook his head. "Right! Well then! Who says that this has to be all dreary and lonely! As the humans say, 'So much to do, so little time'!" He smiled to himself a little and let out a sarcastic sniff. "Heh. Never thought I'd be saying that! A Time Lord out of time! Oh the irony! The tragedy! The comedy!"

The hilariousness of his situation seemed to snap him, if only temporarily, out of his funk and with renewed purpose he strode off in the direction of the center console, his shoes clicking against the deck underneath his feet. Within less than five seconds he had made it up the TARDIS's main console and had begun to plot a new course.

"Really if only they could see me now! Watching clocks, counting down the days! How they'd all laugh at me and tell me that I'm being foolish, that I can't possibly be out of time!" He chuckled as he began to flip various switches and knobs, prepping the TARDIS for flight. "Of course they wouldn't understand, not that they could really even if I explained it all to them. They see time as linear, humans, and most other beings for that matter, do. Even the ones that have traveled with me! They can't see time as I am able to, they can't see how things can and can't happen, what things must be and must not be to preserve unity and balance in the universe. No! Only I can and that is why I cannot escape the fact that I…must…" A lump formed in his throat again and his hearts skipped a beat. He paused in his frenzied, practiced motions and looked around the empty TARDIS once for what seem like the hundredth time.

It had never seemed so big before, so vast and empty. It had never seemed so spacious and lonely and sad. It was just him, him and him alone. True, the TARDIS was alive and was no doubt mourning what was to come but as it was it couldn't communicate with him.

His eyes glazed over as he recalled the brief time he'd had with his TARDIS when he had been able to talk to her. Oh how he needed that sort of comfort right now, how he needed someone to understand why he had to die and why it could not be avoided.

Secretly he was a little glad that he didn't have any of his human companions with him. Oh, they'd try to make him see "reason", they'd try and make him fight against his fate. They would fight for him then, when he refused, and they'd fight to the bloody end kicking and screaming all the way.

A small smile touched his lips as his mind thought of the love that he'd once known. He could see them all, from the first companion to the his last; he could see them yelling at him, telling him to not give up, that the Doctor they knew would have a way out.

But there was no way out.

And he knew this.

For once the game was up; he didn't have any cards up his sleeve, no get out of jail free card. This was it.

A sudden sort of pulsing feeling ran throughout the TARDIS and made it shudder, warming the Doctor's hand where it rested on the console. He smiled a little and gave it an affectionate pat.

"There, there Sexy," he said soothingly, "Don't worry about me! I'll be fine, I'm always fine."

The TARDIS shook and rattled again, almost as if it was protesting his words. He gave another sad smile as he looked around.

"But…you know me better than that. You know me better than anyone."

With a resigning sigh, he set to work getting the TARDIS moving again.

"I think I'll put us out in space for a bit," he said to her, "I don't particularly feel like partying anymore. I'm getting too old for that sort of behavior; running from one hot shindig to the next."

As he set in the necessary coordinates, his mind went back to his companions once again. They had been on his mind a lot recently, not just one or two of them, but _all_ of them. Perhaps it was because he was going to die, perhaps it was because his story was about to end…he didn't know and quite frankly he didn't care. Their smiles were what kept him sane; their laughter was what was keeping him alive. They reminded him of why he lived and they reminded him of why he had to die.

"Alright then!" he said after a minute, "All done! Now we're just coasting along the cosmic waves, drifting about like Leviathans…" He paused for a second, thinking. "Hm. There's an idea. Leviathans. Haven't seen any of those about recently. Perhaps I should make it a point to go see some." He quickly added it to his ever-growing mental bucket list. It seemed as if every time he crossed something off something new was added. At the rate he was going…he wasn't going to be able to accomplish half of the things he wanted to before he died.

"Well, I'll be going now to do…stuff," he said to the empty air, eyes darting around the brightly lit TARDIS. "If anyone needs me, I'll be…doing…something…"

No replied or affirmative shouts came his way and he slouched his shoulders a bit.

"Oh, don't mind me now," he said softly, eyes downcast. "I'm fine. Perfectly alright. Nothing to be worried about."

He stood there, leaning on the console, for a half hour longer, trying to decide what to do. Without a Companion around to keep him busy and his mind off of the inevitable he was bound to go mad sooner than later. He'd done all of his tuning up on the TARDIS weeks previous and there was nothing more to be done on the ship other than replacing the Chameleon Circuit and he didn't want to do that because he liked his blue box and Donna-

Something like lightning shot through him at the thought of his late Companion and he stood up straight and tall, eyes troubled. She wasn't really dead, not the physical her, but the Donna, _his_ Donna…she had been lost forever, lest she truly die.

Guilt began to eat away at his gut and he closed his eyes tightly, one hand running across his face in an agitated manner.

"Oh Donna…Donna Noble," he said wearily. "I messed things up for you, didn't I? I gave you the Universe and then took it away…" He bit his lip as he looked up at the door of the TARDIS, visualizing her walking through its doors and looking right at home. His hand that had been worrying his face now supported his chin while being supported by his free hand. Ghosts of Martha Jones and Rose Tyler followed after her next and the ghostly sound of feet shuffling towards the group of women now huddled near the TARDIS's entrance came from the area of the bedrooms.

The Doctor watched with heavy hearts as Amy Pond walked by him, a grin on her pale face and a bounce in her step. Her long ginger hair moved as she seemed to all but run over to the group of women, ever willing to partake in swapping gossip and embarrassing stories about their beloved Doctor.

She was the only recent Companion, he realized, that hadn't met the others before her. As he observed his not-there Companions, a small part of his brain wondering if he'd finally flipped his lid, he couldn't help but think about how she would have fit in with the others. He had a feeling that she'd probably give Rose a run for her money and that the two might even be jealous of the other; if he wasn't mistaken they would be the youngest in the group and more likely to fight. They both had similar personalities in some respects and he could see them flaring up at each other if the situation was right. As for her and Martha, he could see them getting along famously…perhaps a little _too_ famously seeing as how they'd both been a little burned by him (although with Amy it had been no big deal). Donna was charitable soul, at least she had been after the transforming effect he'd left on her, and would probably think of Amy as a sort of younger sister. He could see the two gingers now talking, laughing with the others as something was said, probably about him. This made his heart warm and he couldn't help but smile a little, something like content and comfort flooding through him.

Of course this was all in his head and he probably was going insane, but as he liked to say, he was a Madman with a Box…it was only fitting that the ghosts of Companions past came back to haunt him now.

That was when an idea came to him and he knew he had to do something. He would never be able to go to his grave peacefully without having resolved the issues and guilt he still felt towards these four women. He had abandoned one, left her shackled with the "son" of him and Donna Noble. He had treated another horribly because he had been hurting and lost without his Rose. He had given another the Universe, had showed her what was out there and everything that there was, and then he had taken it all away from, cruelly making her forget it all even if it was to save her life; in short, he had let her live to the fullest and then cut her down mid-growth. And then last…his dear sweet little Amelia, the girl who waited. He had made her wait for him for years, had nearly destroyed all that she loved, and had gotten her daughter stolen from her. No, he could not rest until he had made his amends with them all, even if it was just in his own head.

Without saying a word, he turned towards the bedrooms and walked off.

First things first, he had to confront his old love…none other than the spunky Rose Tyler.


End file.
